G'Dad jokes ch.3 ongong...

[dave]

hi,
    sorry, but services have been suspended, but only till i find where the mrs has hidden the book... but i can remember one so.......

there was a plane with 5 passengers on, trump, johnson, merkle, the pope, and a 10yr old boy...the plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes,
Trump grabs one and says i need one because i'm the POTUS and the smartest man in the world, and i have to sort the worlds problems out, and bails out...
Johnson has one saying   i need one because i'm the UK's PM and have to carry brexit thru, and bails out...
The pope has one saying i'm the leader of the catholic world, and my flock needs me, and bails out...
Angela Merkle says to the boy there's only one chute left, you take it because i've lived my life and yours is just starting...
when the boy says its ok there are 2 chutes left, that dumbass smartest man in the world, grabbed my school bag...

stay safe, regards, and remember what Arnie said "i will be back". 
                                dave...

[lordevanelpuss]

Three men were standing by the pearly gates with St Peter on guard duty.
St Peter tells them that he is under orders not to let anyone in unless they can show him that they know the true spirit & meaning of Christmas.
He motions to the first man and says "Can you show me that you know the spirit of Christmas?" He pulls out a bunch of keys and shakes them and says "These are Christmas bells".
Satisfied, St Peter lets him in. He signals to the second man and asks him how he can show he knows the spirit of Christmas. He produces a cigarette lighter and lights it and says " Can this be a Christmas Candle?" Satisfied, he is allowed through. Now it's the turn of the third man. Who, when asked how he can show he knew the true meaning of Christmas, fumbled in his pocket and sheepishly produced a pair of knickers and said "These are Carols". It's not known if he was allowed into the Kingdom of Heaven!